Dear Indian Elephant

I think it’s about time we put the record straight, we are far superior to you.  When asked to think of an elephant, what do you think everybody in the world pictures first? I’ll tell you what, US,  then Dumbo, then nothing.  Nobody thinks of you because nobody believes you’re elephants, they just think you are us with some terrible illness like Aids or Crabs.  I know this is hard for you to swallow, but come on face the facts.  We are bigger than you, heavier than you, shit, we even  tend to have more ribs than you.  Our ears are not only much larger than yours, they even look like our country, how can you compete with that with your little flaps dangling there? Most of you don’t even have tusks, those that do only have tiny little things that don’t even warrant the name “tusk”, instead they are known as cute little tushes!  Where as we on the other hand, we have some big fuck off tusks that sell for shit loads on the Black Market to rich arse holes.

Listen, I know you’ll be waving your head side to side that looks cute and crazy at the same time, you’re probably stamping your foot in temper too.  My advice is accept it, just look at what you’ve got.  Our skins wrinklier than yours, you’re trunk is harder than ours, you even have one little finger in your trunk to help you do trunk things.  You see? Look at what you’ve got and then accept that you’re a poor excuse for an elephant!  We are wrinklier? Older and distinguished looking yes. Softer trunk than you? Yes, but it’s a heavily ringed trunk baby, oh yeah! What else? Oh yes, your finger, everybody knows two fingers are better than one! What? yes that’s correct, we have two fingers!

I hope we can now have closure to this nonsense, I’m going to go and eat some leaves with my beautifully domed head.  I suggest you go and feast on grass with your double domed head and long tapered mouth.

Regards

African Elephant

P.S.

You’re the reason John Merrick was named the Elephant Man.

Dear African Elephant

Fuck off.

Regards

Indian Elephant.