Little Bo Peep
Lost her sheep
In a game of cards as she was a gambling addict

The wheels on the bus went round and round
Until they arrived at the annual dogging festival in Leeds

Rock a Bye Baby
Said the prostitute to the solicitor who paid to be baby

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
As the seas rose from global warming

Baa Baa Black Black Sheep
Was a member of the Ku Klux Klan

Mary had a little lamb
She took to the abattoir to pay her gas bill

Little Miss Muffet
Was a Hollywood hooker

Little Boy Blue
Was a Hollywood rent boy

The Owl and the Pussycat
Slept with Chelsea Footballer John Terry

Three Blind Mice
Had chlamydia

Little Jack Horner
Was a compulsive mastubator